P.S.

When I'm drunk I always seem to want to amend my last post.  I'm not sure why I feel this way because no one reads this and I'm glad for that.  I hate to seem so vulnerable.  I'm depressed; a huge lots.  My medications keep my head above water but it's not like I'm actually happy.  I feel good but I'm not actually good.  This is where the counseling comes into play.  At least I am beginning to have emotions again.  It feels very strange to me to... feel strange.  AH!  I just bury myself in games and sleep like I have for the past year.  I hope that I can be ok with myself and everything.  It seems like I am on my way to that.  I can see the future and I can fantasize about possible futures.  The possible seems unexpectedly positive.  I know that it is possible to be positive but I am still clawing my way out of a bottomless pit and therefore don't know how far I have to go.  I can't see the surface.