Continuation.

I left work early today.  I really did not feel good in my head.  I was quite anxious and simply did not want to be around anything sentient.  It's almost like my disorders are intensifying.  There are very little suicidal thoughts; so that little that I don't tell my psychiatrists.  Unfortunately I'm afraid they'll get worse.

All day I just felt like shit because I was realizing my own ineptitude.  I'm broken and no one wants a broken person.  Hell, I sure don't.  Normal, stable people don't want someone with myriad mental issues.  I'm just trying to survive right now and have absolutely no idea what is in store for me in the future but I don't see it being good.    I still don't care about anything, really.  The only reason I go to work is because Annie is there.  She is astoundingly attractive and I think she represents everything about me that I want to be.  She thinks like me, is realistic like me, logical like me, and stable unlike me.  Being around her makes me feel better even though I'm coming to terms with the idea that I'm not stable enough to be with someone like her.  Shit, I'm not even stable enough to be with myself right now.  These past 4 months have been the worst in my life by far.  Even the past 2 years have sucked pretty bad.  Ever since I lost my connection with the human world it's been all down hill... that is if I even had one to begin with.  I've been a bit wacky ever since I can remember but certainly not this bad.  Not the point where I can't even stay at work because I'm too anxious.