Catatonic

Since I got home around 3pm or so I've been sitting in my bed with all the lights off alternating between fits of sobbing and napping.  I'd wake up, feel ok, stare at the wall and suddenly realize that I've been motionless for a good 20 minutes with my eyes leaking all over the place.  I'm just writhing around.  I really want all this to stop now.  I would much prefer to be put on some hardcore anti-psychotics so that I just stare and drool and not know who or where I am.  That is preferable to what I have become.  Just as soon as I feel hopeful for the future and like I've set a foot on the path to recovery, I tumble back down to where I began.  I really can't do this forever.