Ugh, I'm alive and I don't really  appreciate it.  I love Allie but I have been indoctrinating myself to dislike her and it's been working.  I no longer pine away for her 24 hours a day.  I only think about her half the day, if that.  I have conditioned myself to be disinterested in her.  It's interesting because I haven't been truly attracted to anyone since her.  What does that say???  I don't know and I am in therapy to define it.  Every therapist, Ph.D. and not has described me as something different for the past 6 years.  All I can come up with is the fact that I am broken.  I'm dealing with it now.  I feel super tired and depressed around 7pm everyday...and I have felt this way forever.  I just want to be happy.  :(  What is that like???  I honestly don't remember.  I don't know what it's like to be interested in things.