Bloggin'

Dude, am I bloggin'?  Shit, I'm bloggin'.  Gunnar, Dan, and Kayleigh, (that's a fake name I made it up because I couldn't find her on Facebook after 20 minutes. We were already friends!  She must have deleted her account or something.  Sad.  She's quite cute.

I've been pretty sad lately.  I've been getting over Allie, I think.  I've been conditioning my brain to think that she is horrible.  Every time I think of her, I force myself to associate bad thoughts with her.  It's helping brainwash myself to dislike Allie.  I love her but I shouldn't.  My self brainwashing has been helping a lot.  I don't feel like I am bound by thoughts of her like I have been for 2 years.  I've been working hard to get over her and I think it's paying off.   This is how my life continues.  I 'purposefully' throw away the person I love the most so that I can explore the world.  I come to my 'senses' two years later not knowing what the fuck is going on!

This is so hard!  I didn't get my bird job I wanted so badly.  :(   My sad face can't even express my depression.  The most unfortunate thing is that I can't even express how I feel!  Fuck!  I just type while drunk!  This means nothing!  Why do I even type here?  I hate this!  I don't like to show myself to others.  I would rather continue to write in my journal.  Where is it by the way?  Oh yes, Allie has it.   :(


FUCK MY LIFE.  I HATE THIS.  THERE'S SO MUCH TO DEAL WITH.  I'LL JUST GO CRY.


I wish life wasn't this hard.  AGONY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!