Hm.

Actually, now that I think about it... maybe I should call that girl about banding birds.  I do need some time to myself.  Maybe I could use it as a healing time.  Hm, maybe I just say that so that I can be alone and sabotage my friendships.  I tend to do that.  I don't like myself.  I am a lot more reclusive than I thought I was.  I like to hide myself because it feels comfortable.  I hate that I don't need people to be happy.  The problem is that I'm not happy without people.  As a kid I always played by myself.  I never went had play-dates or birthday parties.  I just hung out by myself.  I never learned to rely on people to be normal.  Now, when I want people, I don't know how to connect to them.  My personality has ruined my romantic relationships and pushed me to suicide... twice.

I have a counseling appointment on Monday.

No one understands this.  I can't explain my guilt.  I'm so sorry.  I wish I was strong.