I only write when I don't feel good so it's apparent that I've been doing well. Group therapy is good and things have overall been positive. The past week though, I've been feeling incredibly nostalgic about Allie and I. I embarrass myself by sending her numerous facebook messages that are just dumb. Maybe I just long for stability or someone that understands me. I tend to latch onto memories of her because she has been the only person thus far to see into me. What sucks is that shortly after we started dating I was beginning to drift into dysthymia and anxiety. I wish I could go back and undo everything. Sometimes I get lost in thought thinking about what it would be like to just "pick up where we left off". Unfortunately, that can't happen due to the pain I have caused and the time elapsed. I'm feeling relatively better but I'm still lost. There are no goals or anything to look forward to and that is the most depressing issue at hand for me now. I don't feel like I'm going anywhere. Feelings are starting to come back and every now and then I have a day where I actually feel connected and compassionate towards others.
Time covers up these wounds but it has been so long already. Why am I still having so much trouble?
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