Days and days!

Therapy yesterday was quite revealing for me.  We pulled out another "part" of me: Avoidant-attachment.  It's pretty much the overarching problem with my psyche.  I want to be with people and be involved with them but it makes me really uncomfortable.  This leads to me reaching out to people, getting close, and then pulling away.  Through a little meditation/visualization exercise I learned more about the purpose of my Critical-judgmental part.  It's there for a reason and everyone has it but mine is super out of control.  It is there to check ourselves and others so that we know what we did right and wrong, it's just that mine does this to myself all day and just beats me up.  This causes me to become more detached from people because they start to irritate me.  I get isolated and then feel guilty for distancing myself from the people I love.  We came to the conclusion that this part has intentionally created a chasm between me and everyone so that I don't hurt them or get hurt myself.  I'm terribly afraid of hurting people and if I do, I pull away and avoid it.  This realization made me cry because it was so powerful and descriptive of my troubles with others.  It was a good session.