Things are baaaaad. That's how they usually are on this blog, right? That's all I do. Bad thoughts on the internets. This is my landfill for thoughts. And UGH IT'S SO AWFUL ALL I DO IS CRY AND SLEEP. I DON'T EVEN HAVE TO GET OUT OF BED TO CRY.
Whatever. I have had really impacting encounters with women before, but this... this is as if my last girlfriend was a firecracker and Rudi is a nuke. I thought I was going lose my mind last time. Now here I am with this. Because I'm not being broken up with like last time, it's not exactly hitting me all in the same second. I've been depressed as shit for weeks and it just keeps getting worse. At least it was a progression instead of a detonation. AM I RITE?
My parents traveled 2 hours to have lunch with me today. They did this because I told my dad last Thursday that I wasn't feeling well. He knows what that means. He knows that "feeling not well" has hospitalized me more than twice. My mom came, also. She's so sweet and loves me so dearly, but when it comes to my mental health, she shies away. There's much story behind that. But today, we three went to lunch. They both knew I wasn't well, so during the wait for food I was asked by Mom, "what's been going on?". Nothing. Nothing has been going on. Work. Sleep. Work. More silence. "So what's new?". Nothing. Work stuff. Then my Dad started talking shop with me because we work for the same company.
This is how it is. My parents know I'm not well, and DON'T EVER ASK ME HOW I'M FEELING. They beat around the bush so very little and then that's it. Guess what? That's all I know what to do. I'm terrible at consoling those in distress. I've taken many counseling lessons to correct this, but today just reminded me of what I missed out on. I learned so many great things and values from my parents. SO MANY. Really. I learned so much about society and etiquette and manners and what makes a good person. They failed to teach me how to do emotions.
Just typing that makes me cry and I'm done for now.
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