Scoreboard

Alright, chalk up another one to the personal-relationships-ruined board.  I always seem to fuck things up with the people I like most and I have no idea why.  It's as if I have another personality that I can't control.  The only good, normal part of me has to compete with one part that wants to say, "Fuck all this dumb shit" and run away and never talk to anyone again; another part that wants to cry and apologize; and another that just wants to die.  All of these are in equal amounts.  Shit sucks!  I should be able to recognize that I'm being crazy and just deal with it.  I thought people were supposed to get better with age because it seems like my mind is regressing to high school.  Everyone else is stable and successful and I'm out here flopping around like a retard.  I'll never be able to be happy if I keep fucking everyone's shit up.  The dumb thing is that it's only to people I'm super interested in; probably because I get so intense.  Throw in some insanity and nothing is good.  If this was a lesson teaching me to be open and honest about my feelings then it did a bad job because it's exactly these situations that make me clam up in order to protect people from myself.  I'm afraid to practice opening up because every time I do it's like opening Pandora's box.  Funny part is that I was just starting to come to terms with everything until last night when I sealed my dumb fate.